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Whats That?
29 June 2008 @ 11:41 am
lately i have noticed i am just living by the same motions every day... life is passing by like there are only three days in a week... I'm getting really stressed out lately and i miss my friends... Recently my stress level got so high I thought about suicide... well not so much suicide but more on how welcoming death would be... It took hanging out with my best friend Dave on friday night to calm me down... Well it was that and what he and I believe was my dad trying to tell me something... Both Dave and I seem to think alike on most things and he understands what I go through seeing how he lost his mom.

Anyway there is one song that can reduce me to tears in a matter of minutes and that is because it was played at my dad's funeral... That song being Shinedown's cover of "Simple Man" by Lynyrd Skynyrd... anyways... Saturday morning Dave was listening to a cd when i went into the shower... when I got out of the shower "Simple Man" started playing... I had him stop playing the song as i really didnt want to have a breakdown... so we get to work and the day is going by no problem... one hour left and the next person arrives... I was walking around fixing the walls and Sahr(the kid that just came in) was humming/singing "Simple Man"... I put an end to that as politely as I could... After telling Dave, he said it might be my dad trying to tell me something... So i went home and looked up the song on youtube... after watching that I went to "45" by shinedown then "hurt" by Christina Aguilera... Listening closely to words from each song I heard what seemed to be answers from my dad causing me to realize death isn't an option right now...

I'm still really depressed and trying to deal with life but I think it will get better... least i hope...
Current Mood: blankblank
Whats That?
23 June 2008 @ 06:14 pm
I miss my friends soooooooooo much... what's going on peoples?

that's me enjoying Pride 08... I drank a good 12 hrs straight and it took that long to recover lol
Current Mood: blahblah
Whats That?
28 April 2008 @ 11:50 pm
and life can't go anywhere... so many steps I should take but I'm afraid... recent events have me really depressed... I feel lost in life...
Current Mood: blahblah
Whats That?
17 March 2008 @ 04:29 am
I got my Wii online... now gimme friends codes

mine is 3325 5055 8027 9551 (that's what shows under address book right?) if not then the one it gave me for Brawl is 1289 8019 1059
Whats That?
04 March 2008 @ 03:38 pm
you have to watch this... I'm amazed at the effects the drugs actually had on spiders

Whats That?
28 February 2008 @ 09:44 pm
well it's not exactly confirmed but I will be looking into moving some time soon... like the next few months I will be applying to colleges and looking for an apt... where I am going I am not sure... I'm just sick of NE... I rarely see my friends as it is... that depresses me... but really I can't stay here... too long have I wanted to get away... Now I have nothing really holding me back... so I will most likely be further away... I'll be sure to keep you all posted!
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Whats That?
24 December 2007 @ 11:03 am
Lately I have been really depressed... thinking about my dad and how he isn't here... I am getting very violent mood swings at my jobs because of this... It aggravates me when people complain about having to deal with their family members all at once... They should be glad they get that chance... for whatever reason my family seems more and more distant since my dad passed... this one isn't talking to that one and whatnot...

I hate the fact that i don't get to see anyone anymore... My family/friends... everyone seems to be doing stuff together and I can never make it... I see everyone talking about having a great time together and it makes me really sad that I miss these things now... my life is too busy trying to juggle 2 jobs just to survive... because I am doing such a horrible job at doing so I am going to be losing Gamestop after the holidays... So basically I am working my ass off to live and I have no life to show for it

The only thing going good in my life is Joe... but I feel like my current state of mind will fuck that up somehow...

I really don't know what to do anymore
Current Mood: crappycrappy
Whats That?
20 November 2007 @ 03:25 pm
So yea let's see

I've started my job at EB Games recently... That's going awesome... basically picked everything up again within a day... only bad thing is I don't have money to afford the games/systems I desperately want... Oh and cool thing is I already made friends with one of the kids there... he and I are way too much alike... down to the things that we are thinking/saying at any given moment... you know the type of person that scarily acts the same way you do... it's great!

Pete and I have gone through many fights and have been enemies... then a few days later we end up friends/talking civil again... currently we are staying out of each others hair and being civil...

I recently met an awesome guy, which some of you got to meet/already knew... His name is Joe... Like I said he is awesome... Why? well he is genuinely kind and something even better then that... he also over analyzes things that go on between us... That may sound like a recipe for disaster but it's actually one of the best things ever... we understand and most of the time already know what the other person is thinking, which allows us to be honest with each other down to the second things happen... I'm happy to have such a guy as my boyfriend.

Lastly, At the party I found out something that has been bothering one of my friends... Most of you know who I am talking about when I mention ketchup... Here's the deal... I always mentioned it in a joking manor, but I went too far with it... I made a promise not to tell anyone else about it ever again, but I feel that it is not enough... I'd prefer that it just dies... at least enough to where it's not something that gets brought up every time we meet up...

oh wait... another lastly... lol... So my cold has been changing day by day... one day a fever... next a fever/congestion... the next a sore throat/coughing... and so on... today... aside from the loss of voice... I am better... a little bit of sniffles and voice coming back... weeeee!!!!
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Whats That?
06 November 2007 @ 07:01 pm
Apparent;y some people didnt know this but I recently got a job at the providence EB Games... I'm so fucking excited... I should be starting next week... Yes I am keeping dunkin for the mornings... no more baking at 3am though... my boss gave me a sigh and a sad face... I laughed... though it did look hot ><; don't ask... the reason I'll keep dunkin for the mornings is because with tips I can make (on a good day) about 12.50 an hour... I did the math to find out almost exactly with the tips what it equals out to if they were all taxed... make sense? basically I took 3 dollars as the ending amount "after tax" then went backwards to find out what it would be... then added it to my regular pay... I think that works... right? so it's not that bad on a good day getting paid about 13 dollars an hour... but there are more bad days then good... T_T

So back on track... I'm keeping dunkin until I get into college then I'm keeping EB (providing they keep me) part time while I go to school... I plan on going for computer graphics/web design/computer Programing and all that fun shit... wish me luck with that ^_^

For the mean time I'm going to be a busy worker bee ><; Oh and I'm holding off a little bit on the vegetarian bit... I'm still going to do it... just not ready yet... lol
Current Mood: blahblah
Whats That?
03 November 2007 @ 07:39 pm
I've been writing a lot lately... I know they are crappy but they are the only things keeping me sane

First one is just full of anger and not really directed towards anyone in particular... Mainly about someone toying with my heart... whether intentional or not

1) Great Minds:

Born of man
You do what you can
To keep me here
Controlled by fear
The strings are tight
You'll feast tonight
Claws deep within
Teeth piercing skin

Tonight's the night
I put up a fight
Set free my mind
Leaving you behind
You toyed with me
Now you will see
That I have learned
And the tables have turned.

The next was a two parter and very lame... both titles and the first letters of each line were how I felt about Peter and maybe still do...

2a) I Will Be:

Always and never
Lonely Forever
Open to nothing
No more joy
Everything a void

Time is ticking
I hold the moment
Live, love, loneliness

Do you hear
Everyone crying
Alone nevermore
Tightly you hold me
Hear my last wish

2B) Unless You:

Live every day as your last
Only live in this
Very moment
Everything in the past or future

Means nothing when
Everything today is love.

3) Probably my favorite and it is directed at anyone that I love or like being in my life

I am but a small star in your vast universe hoping to shine the brightest so you'll bring me close enough to see a smile on your face
Current Mood: depresseddepressed